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27 April 2009 @ 10:58 pm
 
To not be comfortable in your own skin, is the worst curse.
 
 
27 April 2009 @ 09:51 pm
Text  
I love texting. I was wondering if anyone wanted to exchange numbers? I'm not looking for a fasting buddy, I know the idea upsets some members of this community, I'm not always by my computer and sometimes I just wish I had someone I could talk to that understands. I live in Wisconsin.
 
 
 
28 April 2009 @ 03:04 am
what do you guys go by weight or measurements? i've decided to focus on measurements because the scale cannot be trusted!! but then i dont know measurements hardly budge. i really want slim hips i lose weight there the least easy what are good exercises for hips? i used to rollerblade but that made my arse and thighs feel really bulky. much love to you all. xx
 
 
27 April 2009 @ 09:07 pm
 i think all this coffee is making me gassy..
which sucks because it's what i drink before i hook up with my boyfriend to give me energy. :(
 
 
 
27 April 2009 @ 09:08 pm
is anyone fasting?
 
 
 
28 April 2009 @ 11:03 am
had about 600 cal for breakfast and just finished exercising - burned 400cal which brings me to a net of about 200cal. also took 6lax tablets...going to try attempt some crunches now....i have to get control back.  and i just want to say THANKS so much for ur support lovelies...without this place i would be lost xox
 
 
 
27 April 2009 @ 09:44 pm
Locked and barricaded within your own thoughts,
Thoughts which ricochet like fireflies trapped within a jar.
Simply torturous, analytical, critical, and methodical.
This brain.
This soundtrack of my life.
Playing on constant repeat,
Mimicking the ways of my heart beat.
Hushed murmurs, whispered words.
Frantic,
Scatterbrained.
I'm lost,
So speechless,
I cannot find the escape to this bottomless dark abyss.

<3

written by *please dont steal*

ALIvee
 
 
27 April 2009 @ 04:42 pm
Im going to hell. I hate myself.
I have the most loving and amazing boyfriend ever.
And I am going to hurt him. becuase I dont love him anymore.
It was one argument and it just took all my desire for him away.
I dont want him back
and he loves me.
I wish I could go back to wanting him to hold me.
I really dislike being around him.
Last time I checked that was unhealthy
 
 
 
27 April 2009 @ 03:33 pm
i hate it when the people who love you help you relapse with this disorder and they dont even know theyre even doing it.
yesterday, i went out to a restaurant with my boyfriend and i ended up binging at the restaurant. we split a large plate, and because i was eating so fast due to the binge I ended up eating more than my boyfriend,
he looks at me and says," You Eat A lot." And it smacked me in the head that im a fucking cow who cant control herself.
And then i told him we ate the same amount, and he said no, that i ate so much more than him and pointed out every single thing i ate.
i got soo depresssed
6 months ago before i recovered, he used to say i was too skinny and i needed to eat more and now when i recovered he says i eat too much.
im never good enough.
And im soo fucking happy that im relapsing so i can make him hurt by being soo skinny so he knows its his fucking fault.
 
 
28 April 2009 @ 02:48 pm

PicsCollapse )
 
 
 
27 April 2009 @ 02:38 pm
after recovering and gaining 10lbs i feel so fat and miserable.
Each day is horrid because i feel the tightness of my clothes and seeing the fat poke out. i dont know how heavy girls live, how can they deal with being heavy and dealing with fat rolls and tight clothes. i give them brownie points cause i'd stay home and never go out if i gained 100 pounds.
 
 
 
27 April 2009 @ 11:33 pm
hello any art/philosophy buffs that have any input for my essay on art and existentialism, usually i'm the go to but i am STUMPED. any links to look at or artist names or associated movements post 1945 very very welcome!
 
 
 
27 April 2009 @ 03:28 pm
getting bloodwork back today. Kind of worried. Then gym. Excited to see how long I can fast. :-) Why am i feeling so confident?
 
 
27 April 2009 @ 06:09 pm
im so sick of myself.
im back on here, and i feel so relieved...
things have been so bad lately, i could deffinatly use this.
just reading everyones posts and stories makes me feel better.

updated stats:
cw: 102 (just lost 4 pounds)
height: 5'4

soo how is everyone doing today?
 
 
 
27 April 2009 @ 02:53 pm

well i just got back from my dietician appointment....ugh, i want to get better, but i do don't....
ugh i binged...this is what i've had today: a 60 cal yogurt, an egg, and a bowl of cereal..... ugh...i really want to purge...just shoot me now, i hate this!!!!!
 
 
27 April 2009 @ 10:32 pm
hello lovelies =]

here's my new community, feel free to join x

community.livejournal.com/recoverthepain

 
 
 
27 April 2009 @ 05:36 pm
 i know when u restict, you often become weak and tired...but after a few days or even a week of restriction..doesn't your energy level come back?!
 
 
 
27 April 2009 @ 03:07 pm
I need to stay focused today.  After work I will tan and go to the gym.  Then I'll take a nice long bath and read my book.  No more eating.  If things get desperate I can have one shake.  It has 180.  That's 530 total, and I will have burned them all at the gym.  I CAN AND I WILL DO THIS!  I effin hate my body. 
 
 
 
27 April 2009 @ 08:40 pm
I am so bad at this :(
I just want to be thin, really thin.
I want people to notice I'm thin, and not be able to see all the fat that covers me.

I'm always going to be too fat for recovery which means i'm going to be stuck feeling like this forever :(
 
 
27 April 2009 @ 03:07 pm
go me, right?
yeah...
unfortunatley, my parents say if I "continue my behaviors" I can't go to Italy for a month to study painting and art history. I knew this would probably happen- but I'm already too far into my relapse to quit now.

stats:
height: 5'8
hw: 131.8lbs
lw: 80lbs
cw: 122
gw: 115
gw2: 105
gw3: 95